How to Practice Hajr in the Marital Bed and the Wisdom Behind It

كيفية الهجر في الفراش والحكمة منه

How to Practice Hajr in the Marital Bed and the Wisdom Behind It

Translated by: Reza Ervani bin Asmanu

This article, “How to Practice Hajr in the Marital Bed and the Wisdom Behind It,” is included in the Islamic Questions and Answers Category

السؤال

Question:

كيف يفعل الرجل إذا أراد أن يهجر زوجته في الفراش إذا كان هو لا يصبر أن يهجرها وهو لا يريد أن يفعل شيئا حراما، فهل إذا أنزل بيده دون النظر إلى الحرام كأن يتخيل زوجته فقط، أفيدوني في أفضل طريقة، وما هي الحكمة من الهجر في الفراش؟

What should a husband do if he wishes to practice hajr toward his wife in the marital bed but finds it difficult to stay away from her and does not want to do anything unlawful? Would it be permissible for him to cause ejaculation with his own hand without looking at anything forbidden, merely by imagining his wife? Please explain the best course of action in this situation. And what is the wisdom behind hajr in the marital bed?

الإجابــة

Answer:

الحمد لله، والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله، وعلى آله وصحبه، أما بعد:

All praise is due to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, and his Companions. To proceed:

فأولاً لا بد من العلم أن الهجر ليس هو الخطوة الأولى لعلاج النشوز، بل يسبقه الوعظ، ولا يكون إلا مع تحقق النشوز، وليس عند ظهور أماراته، فعند ظهور أمارات النشوز يبدأ بالوعظ، قال النووي في المنهاج: فلو ظهرت أمارات نشوزها وعظها، فإن تحقق نشوز ولم يتكرر وعظ وهجر في المضجع. انتهى.

First, it should be understood that hajr is not the first step in dealing with nushuz. Rather, it is preceded by admonition. Hajr is only applied when nushuz has actually occurred, not merely when signs of it begin to appear. When signs of nushuz appear, the husband begins with admonition. Imam an-Nawawi said in al-Minhaj: “If signs of her nushuz appear, he should admonish her. If nushuz becomes established and the matter is not resolved through admonition, then he may practice hajr toward her in the bed.” End quote.

والحكمة من الهجر هي رد المرأة عن النشوز وتأديبها، فإن لم يرجُ من الهجر حصول التأديب والزجر عن النشوز فلا يشرع، ثم هو حق للزوج فله تركه أصلاً، مع العلم أن هجر الزوجة قيل في معناه أنه ترك الوطء

The wisdom behind hajr is to bring the wife back from nushuz and to discipline her. If the husband does not expect hajr to have any corrective effect or to deter her from nushuz, then it is not prescribed. Hajr is also a right of the husband, so he may choose not to use it at all. It should also be noted that one interpretation of hajr is refraining from sexual intercourse.

وقيل أيضاً أن يهجر فراشها فلا يضاجعها فيه، وقيل: هو أن يقول لها هجراً أي إغلاظاً في القول. وهذان القولان الأخيران لا يلزم منهما ترك الوطء بل قال بعضهم أن لا يكلمها في حال مضاجعته إياها، وقيل: يهجرها بترك مضاجعتها وجماعها لوقت غلبة شهوتها وحاجتها لا في وقت حاجته إليها.

It has also been said that hajr means leaving her bed and not sleeping beside her. Another view is that it means speaking to her harshly. These latter two views do not necessarily require abstaining from sexual intercourse. Some scholars even said that he may share the bed with her but refrain from speaking to her. Another view is that he practices hajr by refraining from sharing the bed with her and from intercourse at a time when her desire and need are strongest, rather than at a time when he himself desires her.

وعلى كل حال فليس للزوج أن يفرغ شهوته عن طريق العادة السرية ولو كان على حالة لا يجوز له فيها وطء زوجته مثل أن تكون حائضاً أو محرمة.

In any case, according to the ruling given here, the husband is not permitted to satisfy his sexual desire through masturbation, even in a situation in which intercourse with his wife is not permissible, such as when she is menstruating or in a state of ihram.

والله أعلم.

And Allah knows best.

Source: IslamWeb