Ruling on Hajr of One’s Wife: In the Bed or by Leaving the House?

الهجر في الفراش والبيت

Ruling on Hajr of One’s Wife: In the Bed or by Leaving the House?

Translated by: Reza Ervani bin Asmanu

This article, “Ruling on Hajr of One’s Wife: In the Bed or by Leaving the House?” is included in the Islamic Questions and Answers Category

السؤال

Question:

معنى هجر الزوجة؟ هل في الفراش فقط، بأن يصد عنها أثناء النوم مغاضبا، أم هو عدم معاشرتها جنسيا، أم المبيت في غرفة أخرى، وهل إذا بات عنها في غرفة أخرى بنتيجة غضب، يكون آثما؟ أرجو بيان أحكام ذلك بالتفصيل للحاجة إليه، ولكم وافر التقدير

What is meant by hajr of one’s wife? Is it limited to the bed, such as turning away from her while sleeping out of anger? Does it mean refraining from sexual relations with her? Or does it mean sleeping in a separate room? And if a husband sleeps in another room because he is angry with his wife, is he sinful? Please explain the rulings on this matter in detail, as I am in need of clarification. Thank you very much.

الإجابــة

Answer:

الحمد لله، والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله، وعلى آله وصحبه، أما بعد:

All praise is due to Allah, and may peace and blessings be upon the Messenger of Allah, his family, and his Companions. To proceed:

فهجر الزوجة أحد وسائل إصلاحها عند نشوزها ودليله قوله تعالى :

Hajr of one’s wife is one of the means of correcting the situation when she is in a state of nushuz, as indicated by the statement of Allah Most High:

وَاللَّاتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ … {النساء:٣٤}

“As for those women whose nushuz you fear, admonish them, leave them in their beds, and strike them…” (Surah an-Nisa’, verse 34)

وقول النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم:

And the saying of the Prophet ﷺ:

ألا واستوصوا بالنساء خيرا، فإنما هن عوان عندكم، ليس تملكون منهن شيئا غير ذلك إلا أن يأتين بفاحشة مبينة، فإن فعلن فاهجروهن في المضاجع، واضربوهن ضربا غير مبرح، فإن أطعنكم فلا تبغوا عليهن سبيلا، ألا إن لكم على نسائكم حقا، ولنسائكم عليكم حقا، فأما حقكم على نسائكم فلا يوطئن فرشكم من تكرهون، ألا وحقهن عليكم أن تحسنوا إليهن في كسوتهن وطعامهن” رواه الترمذي، وقال: هذا حديث حسن صحيح.

“Indeed, treat women well, for they are under your care. You have no further right over them unless they commit a clear indecency. If they do so, then leave them in their beds and strike them in a non-severe manner. If they obey you, then do not seek a way against them. Indeed, you have rights over your wives, and your wives have rights over you. Among your rights over them is that they should not allow onto your beds those whom you dislike. And among their rights over you is that you treat them well with regard to their clothing and food.” (Narrated by at-Tirmidhi, who said: This is a hasan sahih hadith.)

ومعنى الهجر الوارد في الآية والحديث هو أن لا يضاجعها ولا يجامعها بل يوليها ظهره في الفراش ، وأما النوم في غرفة أخرى أو خارج البيت ففيه خلاف والراجح جوازه.

The meaning of hajr mentioned in the verse and hadith is that the husband does not sleep intimately with her or have sexual intercourse with her, but instead turns his back to her in bed. As for sleeping in another room or outside the house, the scholars differed, and the stronger view is that it is permissible.

قال في فيض القدير: في شرح حديث: حق المرأة على الزوج أن يطعمها إذا طعم ويكسوها إذا اكتسى ولا يضرب الوجه ولا يقبح.

It is stated in Fayd al-Qadir, in the commentary on the hadith: “The wife’s right over her husband is that he feeds her when he eats, clothes her when he clothes himself, does not strike her face, and does not insult her.”

قال 🙁 ولا يهجر ) كذا في كثير من النسخ وفي رواية: أن تطعمها إذا طعمت، وتكسوها إذا اكتسيت. ورأيت في أصول صحيحة من كتب كثيرة ولا يهجرها (إلا في البيت) وفي رواية للبخاري: غير أن لا يهجر إلا في البيت.

It then says: “And he should not practice hajr against her” — this is how it appears in many copies. In another narration: “Feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself.” I have seen in reliable manuscripts of many books the wording: “And he should not practice hajr against her except within the house.” In a narration of al-Bukhari: “Except that he should not practice hajr except within the house.”

والحصر الواقع في خبر معاوية هذا غير معمول به بل يجوز الهجر في غير البيوت كما وقع للمصطفى صلى الله عليه وسلم من هجره أزواجه في المشربة، قال ابن حجر : والحق أن ذلك يختلف باختلاف الأحوال فربما كان الهجر في البيت أشق منه في غيره وعكسه، والغالب أن الهجر في غير البيت آلم للنساء لضعف نفوسهن.

The restriction mentioned in this report of Mu’awiyah is not treated as absolute. Rather, hajr outside the home may also be permissible, as occurred when the Prophet ﷺ withdrew from his wives and stayed in the upper room. Ibn Hajar said: “The correct view is that this varies according to circumstances. At times, hajr within the house may be more difficult than hajr outside it, and at other times the reverse may be true. Generally, hajr outside the house is more painful for women because of the sensitivity of their feelings.”

واختلف المفسرون في المراد بالهجر فالجمهور على أنه ترك الدخول عليهن والإقامة عندهن على ظاهر الآية من الهجران وهو البعد وظاهره أنه لا يضاجعها، وقيل: يضاجعها ويوليها ظهره، وقيل: يترك جماعها، وقيل: يجامعها ولا يكلمها .

The scholars of tafsir differed concerning the intended meaning of hajr. The majority held that it means refraining from entering upon one’s wife and staying with her, according to the apparent meaning of hijran, which denotes distance. The apparent sense is that he does not share the bed with her. Another view is that he remains in the bed but turns his back to her. Another says that he refrains from sexual intercourse, while yet another says that he may have intercourse with her but does not speak to her.

انتهى كلامه.

End of the quotation.

ومنه يتبين للسائل معنى الهجر واختلاف أهل العلم فيه وأنه يجوز لمسوغ شرعي كنشوز المرأة.

From this, the questioner can understand the meaning of hajr, the difference of opinion among the scholars concerning it, and that it is permissible when there is a legitimate Islamic reason, such as a wife’s nushuz.

والله أعلم.

And Allah knows best.

Source: IslamWeb