Before the Glass Shatters

قبل أن يتهشم الكوب

Before the Glass Shatters

Translated by: Reza Ervani bin Asmanu

This article, “Before the Glass Shatters,” is included in the Family Education Category

مثل جوهرة غالية.. يخشي عليها المرء الضياع أو حتي مجرد التلوث ببعض ذرات التراب .. صنتها.. خبأتها بين عيني .. جعلت منها هدفي وغايتي .. أقسمت علي نفسي أن أصوغ منها نموذجا بلا نقائص .. كيانا إنسانيا يبهر العقول .. صورة نموذجية تتحول إلي قبلة يتحراها طالبو الفضيلة والصلاح .

Like a precious jewel, one fears that it might be lost, or even merely touched by a few particles of dust. I protected her… kept her as precious as my own eyes… made her my goal and my highest aspiration. I vowed to shape her into a flawless model — a human being who would amaze minds, an ideal example toward which those seeking virtue and righteousness would turn.

فعلت ما أستطيع لأجنب ابنتي كل ما يمكن أن يهز قيمها أو يؤثر علي سلوكها.. فالتلفاز يفتح بمواعيد، ونسبقها أنا وزوجي لنشاهد ما تشاهده ، ويختبئ في صندوق أثناء الدراسة والصديقات نزنهن بعين فاحصة تدقق فيهن، وتستبعد من نجد فيها مجرد شبهة ؛ حتي لو كانت لثغة لسان، أو نقصا عن مرتبة متقدمة في امتحانات آخر العام، أو نشأة في أسرة عادية لا تعمل للإسلام.

I did everything I could to keep my daughter away from anything that might shake her values or influence her behavior. The television was turned on only at designated times, and my husband and I would watch beforehand whatever she was going to watch. During the school term, it was hidden away in a box. As for her friends, we scrutinized them carefully, excluding anyone in whom we found even the slightest cause for concern — even if it was merely a speech impediment, a less-than-outstanding rank in the end-of-year examinations, or being raised in an ordinary family that was not active in Islamic work.

أزياؤها تفصلها حائكة محل ثقة بعد أن أعياني الحصول علي ملابس مناسبة جاهزة وسط ركام السراويل الضيقة والبلوزات القصيرة والأكمام الشفافة، والفساتين التي تلتصق بالجسم. والتفصيل يتم بمقاييس ومواصفات الزي الشرعي بعد أن أختار أنا الألوان المناسبة الهادئة غير اللافتة للنظر .

Her clothes were made by a trusted seamstress after I had grown exhausted trying to find suitable ready-made clothing amid piles of tight trousers, short blouses, transparent sleeves, and dresses clinging to the body. Everything was tailored according to the standards and specifications of Islamic dress, after I myself chose calm, appropriate colors that would not attract attention.

قراءاتها نحددها معا- أنا وزوجي – ونشتري لها ما نراه مناسبا دون مشورتها، وإن اقترحت أن تذهب إلي المكتبة لتختار بعض ما تود قراءته نهرتها وقلت بلوم شديد: وهل ستعرفين ما يناسبك أكثر منا؟

My husband and I jointly decided what she would read, buying for her whatever we considered suitable without consulting her. Whenever she suggested going to the library to choose something she herself wanted to read, I would rebuke her and say reproachfully, “Do you think you know better than we do what is suitable for you?”

كان كل شيء محددا ومقننا ومضبوطا ومحسوبا بدقة، وكانت ابنتي كما أردنا حتي بلغت الرابعة عشر.

Everything was defined, regulated, controlled, and calculated with precision. My daughter was exactly as we wanted her to be — until she reached the age of fourteen.

حتى وقعت الواقعة، ورأيت بأم عيني ما لصق قدمي بالأرض وأخرس لساني ، وأغرقني في عرق الارتباك والذهول.

Then it happened. I saw with my own eyes something that rooted my feet to the ground, struck my tongue silent, and drenched me in the sweat of confusion and shock.

كنا في النادي وتلقيت هاتفا عاجلا اضطرني إلي الانصراف وطلبت ابنتي مني البقاء في المكتبة فوافقت ، وبعد ساعتين عادت إلي البيت بملابسها الفضفاضة وغطاء رأسها المنسدل بوقار علي صدرها.

We were at the club when I received an urgent phone call that forced me to leave. My daughter asked to remain in the library, and I agreed. Two hours later, she returned home wearing her loose-fitting clothes and her headscarf draped modestly over her chest.

بعدها زارتني صديقة عضوة بالنادي نفسه، ومعها شريط فيديو حول أنشطة النادي …

Later, a friend who was a member of the same club came to visit me, bringing a videotape about the club’s activities. I watched it without much interest, my attention wandering, until I heard my friend suddenly say in astonishment:

انظري : أليست هذه… ابنتك ؟ ما هذا الذي ترتديه؟ ما شاء الله شعرها رائع.. وساقاها جميلتان ؟ أين كان كل هذا الحسن مختبئا؟

“Look! Isn’t that… your daughter? What is she wearing? Masha Allah, her hair is beautiful… and her legs are lovely! Where had all this beauty been hiding?”

سقط في يدي وقلت بصوت واهن : هي تشبهها بالتأكيد ولكنها ليست ابنتي …

I was stunned and said weakly, “She certainly looks like her, but she isn’t my daughter…” Yet as I looked more closely, I realized that it truly was my daughter. She was wearing the same loose-fitting clothes, but with a tight belt fastened around them. Her hair was uncovered, and she sat on a chair by the swimming pool reading a magazine. My friend told me that the footage had been recorded on the very day I had left her alone at the club — and she had apparently seized that opportunity to break free and rebel.

كانت طاعة ابنتي العمياء لي رمادا فوق نار …

My daughter’s blind obedience to me had been nothing but ashes covering a fire. Her complete submission to her father was merely a curtain concealing her desire for freedom. And when the cat was away, the mouse leapt joyfully, believing that it had escaped its claws.

واجهت ابنتي وأنا أتصنع ابتسامة.. فبكت وأطرقت ولم تنطق سوي بجملة واحدة : أنتما السبب ..

I confronted my daughter while forcing a smile. She burst into tears, lowered her head, and uttered only one sentence: “You two are the reason…” Then she ran to her room, leaving me bewildered — even about myself.

أفكر فيما قالته، وأراجع تصرفاتي فأكتشف أن لديها كثيرا من الحق …

I reflected on what she had said and began reviewing my own behavior. I discovered that she was right about many things. A noose tightened around a person’s neck cannot make its wearer happy, while a vast open space without guidance can leave a traveler confused until they lose their way.

ابنتي في الرابعة عشرة – في بداية مرحلة المصاحبة – سأصاحبها …

My daughter is fourteen — at the beginning of the stage when I should become her companion. I will befriend her… but will I succeed after she has already passed through the stages of play and discipline? Have we — her father and I — failed to find the balanced path, where the stick is something to lean upon rather than something used to strike?

عذرنا نيتنا.. وخوفنا علي فلذتنا …

Our excuse was our good intention… our fear for our beloved child… and all those tragic stories we had heard and read, stories that seemed to confirm that safety and good morals had become increasingly rare.

كنا نريد أن نحميها من كل ماحولها، ولكننا نسينا أن نحميها من نفسها، من ثورة حقوق طفولتها.

We wanted to protect her from everything around her, but we forgot to protect her from herself — from the rebellion of her suppressed childhood rights.

صارحت زوجي بما حدث وتناقشنا طويلا …

I told my husband openly what had happened, and we discussed it at length. He believed that our daughter had not removed her hijab out of delinquency, nor tightened her clothing out of moral deviation. Rather, both actions were her way of trying to feel free. So there was no need to panic, he said with a smile. “We will start again from the beginning. The glass has not shattered yet. It is still sitting at the edge of the table. We can still move it gently to a safe place… before it falls and breaks into pieces.”

Source: IslamWeb